They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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