I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
