we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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