Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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