hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
