The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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