He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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