I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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