That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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