did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize