i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
