Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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