Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
