oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
