from now on my penis is your penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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