I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
