I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
