Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
