life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
