Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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