how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
