Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
