____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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