it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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