Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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