i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
