Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
