yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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