Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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