Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
