I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
