Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
