My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
