dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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