It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she smelled like a LAN party
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
