I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize