I need to stop coming to work sober
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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