With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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