I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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