I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
