Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
