My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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