Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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