looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
