Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
