I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
