i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
