saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
