I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
