so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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