making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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