i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
