What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
