can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
