I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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