I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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