My hand turned me down
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
