I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
