so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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