Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
