just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
