i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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