so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
