I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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