I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
