What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
