I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize