at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
