i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
