i barfeds in our rink
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
