His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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