i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
