If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
