is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Send help, water and tortillas.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
