Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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