My balls are so social today.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize