I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
